First-Gen Now and Then: An Intergenerational Dialogue

The following is a conversation between Abigail Danielle Rosales (First-Gen Engagement Chair for Associated Graduate Students) and Long T. Bui (Director of First-Gen Faculty Initiatives)

Long: I think we’re so great we’re having this intergenerational dialogue on being first-gen college students. I think my version means something else than it does for you. But we can start with like, what does what does first-gen mean to you as a person, but also for your generation.

Abigail: Yeah, it brings such a unique perspective to discussions in schools. And it pushes you to have a different type of like resilience as a college student because it does push you to be a little bit more resourceful and push you to find that community, especially because now colleges have a lot of programs centering around first-gen. It makes you reach out and be like, okay, you know what? I’m not the only one that’s first-gen, and there are other people who are probably feeling the same way.

Long: Back then we didn’t have first-gen as a term. You were either low-income or minority. So we were just going around asking who was poor and what type of minority are you? These days you have a lot of diverse programs so I feel a little bit jealous. Because, you know, once you name a community, the community can manifest itself. People can find each other. It was a different time back then when a lot of us were lost. We didn’t have a definition for it, but for those of us who were the first-gen, we said we were low socioeconomic status or low income. And in some ways first-gen is related to that. Today, I run a first-gen program for research [Summer Academic Enrichment Program or SAEP), which I participated in as an undergrad. It was for minorities and low-income in the social sciences. And now it’s for first-gen students and low-income. The labels have changed, but the work to transform lives is still there. My follow-up question is your generation had to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic. Do you believe it made it harder for access?

Abigail: Yeah, my first year of college was completely online and I was living at home. Everybody was at home. My older siblings were at home. We don’t have our own rooms. I didn’t have a desk. I didn’t have anything, so it felt very discouraging. I though, oh, my gosh I’m alone. It made it a lot harder without privacy without your parents or other people in house understanding. I think it added to that struggle of not having again the resources and not having the support financially, even family support. The pandemic did push that [opportunity] gap bigger. I had a lot of friends drop out and didn’t think they could do it. They struggled to come back to school. I think not having guidance to know how to do that, to start that conversation about going back, made it more difficult for people who are first-gen to get back. So how has being a first-gen professor influenced how you teach or work with first-gen students?

Long: Yes, as a first-gen student turned first-gen scholar I understand that students don’t understand certain vocabularies, especially around the professional world. I do everything basic not to dumb everything down. But just to basically say, hey, we aren’t all on the same page here. I don’t use big words that they aren’t explained. You know, things like “scholarship,” which to a poor person means money. But to someone else it means research. How did the word scholarship become synonymous with money and research? I see many first-gen faculty forgot where they came from. They use these academic words all the time. That’s why there’s a here is a slippery slope. If you know the students are not coming from those [academic] backgrounds, the goal is to help students navigate that in in the simplest terms, which gives everyone an equal footing.

Abigail: Yes! As opposed to trying to reach the top and leaving everyone else behind. How did you get introduced to your position? And what made you want to take it?

Long: I had already did a lot of first-gen stuff in terms of hosting a podcast for first-gen faculty. And then I was involved with a lot of first-gen Initiatives. I was like, oh this is a natural fit just to do this role. It will help also not just students, because I work with students already, but will help faculty who are first-gen or allies. My director position is unique because I get to work with those who run these programs initiatives on campus. We do collaboration and coordination across the entire UCI campus. My question to you naturally will be, why did you take up your position?

Abigail: I really like advocacy work so when I saw an email that AGS is hiring I looked up what it was, and it just seems like something I would really love to do. I love taking on mentorship and handing out resources and be a point of information and support. I think do it I could because I’m a first-gen grad student and it’s my first year as well. Having it really helps me out to step out as well and connect with people who I wouldn’t have originally connected with. As people are asking me questions, I probably need the answers myself, so I think it kind of just goes hand in hand. Go the extra mile to find out to help navigate the whole.

Long: We’ll add on to that what are unique challenges of being a first-gen graduate student as opposed to being a first-gen undergraduate student.

Abigail: I think it was just a little nerve-wracking. I mean, imposter syndrome is something that comes up a lot when I talk to first-gen grad students. Really feeling like, okay, I’m as good as anybody here, or I deserve this as much as anybody else. I think that’s incredibly difficult because navigating undergrad is hard enough. And now I’m going to somewhere that may be competitive. Other people may have support. More experience working with professionals in the academic setting. I think that comes up when you go into grad school, not knowing really what to expect especially cause so many grad programs are so different.

Long: I will add that being a first-gen faculty member is very difficult. It just gets harder and harder, because at the undergrad level there’s a lot more first-gen students and then you get to the graduate level there’s fewer, and finally we get to professor level and so few faculty are first-gen. Imposter syndrome increases and isolation doesn’t go away. It gets more exacerbated because there’s fewer who reach the upper echelons of education. So that’s the hardest thing for me. Navigating and crossing that line. There is anxiety of going to events and reaching out to people that you need to reach out to. Now my question to you is how does your first-gen identity intersect with other identities of yours?

Abigail: Well, I’m second-generation American. Born here in the USA. And you know I’m a woman, Mexican and Salvadorian. I think intersectionality opens the doors to have conversations that people normally wouldn’t have. It’s hard to step into a space and be like I’m struggling because I’m Mexican. I’m struggling because I’m a woman, just feeling uncomfortable about you know putting that label on yourself, and just sort of the appearance of it. Being first-gen allowed me to label an experience that felt very unique to myself. I think that it just kind of allowed for people of diverse backgrounds to step into a space.

Long: It’s about basic needs also right?

Abigail: It’s about basic needs. When I came into this position I was hearing about basic needs and navigating financial aid was a big one. It’s sort of a big point of anxiety. We have all these resources, and we have this community, but the issues are still hidden. Well, I’m still struggling financially. And how do I even relate that to my first-gen status? It doesn’t seem like something that goes hand in hand until you delve into it.

Long: What do you want to do in the future? What are your plans professionally?

Abigail: Lately, I’ve been considering getting my doctorate in social psychology with the specialization in psychology and law. You know, I grew up in Santa Ana. I’ve always been interested in generational dynamics when it comes to being incarcerated, being related to gangs and growing up into community where there are high rates of crime. I do want to work with at-risk youth in the community and provide mentorship. That’s kind of the realm of interest that I’ve always wanted to do since I was younger. I myself was getting to trouble around like 12 years old. I was running into a lot of issues. And I know that if I didn’t have sort of a family to support, I mean a family that supported me. I want to help other kids out, inform the community about practices that are harmful to children. That’s my career aspirations.

Long: Well, my aspirations now is to retire early because when you’re first-gen getting into system it’s very hard on you. It’s like you aged before your time. So I’m actually very tired.

Abigail: I think the topic of even burnout just feels so overwhelming because, you know, a lot of first-gen students are working. I work full time and I have this position. I’m already so tired, you know. I’m 22, but I feel like I’m you know I’m 15 years older than I am, and just thinking like, oh, I feel like I’ve been doing so much for so long, and just, you know, just having that burnout. It’s just crazy, and I know I’m not alone. I know. I hear tons of other people saying the same thing.

Long: Yeah, I do think this position was important, because I think about what it takes to bring everyone together. This is a big campus, and we need more institutional support in terms of [building] cross-school and cross-disciplinary relationships. So this position is very vital, because people are doing great things on campus for first-gen students. But there’s not much for faculty. And then I started to think about graduate students this year but regardless of your discipline, we have similar struggles and challenges. We need to find ways to learn from each other, regardless of our intellectual orientation or background. I do think the biggest thing takeaway is that we need more resources. Because our students need it, especially after traumatic events. I took over during the pandemic. It was really hard time to give support to students in the middle of a crisis. But first-gen folks are resilient, and we are used to tackling obstacles.

Abigail: Totally agree. It was so great to talk to you about all these issues!

Long: I feel the same way! Let’s keep this multi-generational dialogue going.